I tried to learn life skills
but only saw life's kills
that's one of those serious jokes
where you hear yourself laughing
because you know deep in your body
there's no way you're not going to get shocked eventually
and disappear into the wake of a salad with nonfat Russian roulette dressing
I went to the doctor to have my mind corrected
I said “doctor, doctor, give me the news”
and he pointed to the sky where a commercial jet made a descending howl
at which point I leaned out my boyfriend’s kitchen
at which point the jet released a silence without an opposite
that signaled the apparent destruction, but really the eternal transformation
of my world, in other words the doctor wasn’t really a doctor, but rather a singer
who sang with his hands that couldn’t hold anything, not so much that his hands were especially weak
but rather there was nothing in particular for them to grasp, including the solidity of themselves
basically he shattered my world
or
he shattered my world’s basic assumptions
or
I’m a liar
or
a friend because I just admitted that
or
the jet
or
the furious face of the world
or
this animal moment
or
give up the nothing in the first place you nobody water bug
I was looking for a formula to live by
and now I live “bye myself”
I was never much of a storyteller
and I only know one joke
and it’s not my joke anyway
I just heard it
like I hear everything else
and like everything else
all jokes are about ignorance
until they’re told through
and then it’s
party over
vacation done
hit the ground
what a waste
— Big Bruiser Dope Boy is the author of Foghorn Leghorn, After Denver, Something Gross, and Feds on Vacation.