ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD IS GOING DOWN & IT’S TAKING YOU WITH IT

I’ve become like a psychotic sphynx. I want to kill because I can’t talk.

Hunter S. Thompson, letter to William Kennedy

They told us to leave but bet they can’t make us. 

Kid Rock, Cowboy

20 years from now nothing you own, or love, will be worth a goddamn thing. Bitcoin is the new God–it’s ripped the heads of all the others & lays around Olympus looking cool. Your savings will be wiped out, transferred to speculative currency Hell. The digital markets are going to replace Wall St. like Sunday cartoons did the Church. I don’t know what a fucking blockchain is, but when a Boomer tells me they make all their money off Litecoin Mining it’s time to start digging. 

This new way of life will have everyone in the Red. That’s what they want. A life in the Red forever. Put it all on Red, that’s where you’re living. The rates will climb, but before you can look over they take more from you & put it back in. Buried. Debtor’s prison is a work from home job with DoorDash Delivery servicing 3 meals a day at your own cost. Wear a mask when the driver comes to your door. 

This war in Ukraine has done it, it’s turned everyone. If they weren’t already. They’re all so damned hopeful, & greedy. They were less scary under their masks. Now they’re taking them off & raping the nation’s consciousness for itself. Ho ho the War Zone is right here too, folks. You know less of what’s going on then they do. Don’t think for a second they aren’t clued into every false claim & Propaganda. I don’t pretend to know anything & neither should you, but I do know when I’m getting played. It doesn’t make sense that the entire nation goes apeshit for a country whose single worldly contribution is the interesting ways it uses beets in soups. But it’s all tied together with the new world order laid out for us like second rate doggie slop out a can. Phew, that shit stinks. 

It already started years before us. Been a long time coming. Folks like Thomas Malthus & Pentti Linkola warned the world about overpopulation. Their advice: early retirement. Well, it’s here. The Great Phase Out. You think it was just schoolyard name calling when Hillary said Deplorable? With suicide rates as high as they are I gotta wonder who’s watching out for who. You think THIS is bad, imagine reading their letters. 

New Worldians will meet & plot over Zoom, the Cowboys will meet at Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock & Roll Steakhouse. NW’s quarantine themselves from their fake Virus-stricken trans Twitch-streaming roommates, Cowboys are getting blowjobs in the Cadillac Pussy VIP Lounge. I know who’s dying first. Whoever lives the longest gets all the debt. Fuck it, & fuck them too. Who needs it? The chaos of the unknown squeezed everyone in their studio apartments, & even as the sun came out those kept inside & away from the crowds for too long have weaponized their bullshit social conscience as a flex against Humanity. They want me dead & out the way, & in some utilitarian utopia it’s probably for the best. But God wouldn’t have given us Chlamydia if life weren’t about Risk. Smoke ‘em while you got any left. 

At the end of the day, we’re all just Betters trapped in a crooked Bookie’s corner booth. Placing what we got before the game begins, hoping for that sure thing. But no matter how much Matt Damon preaches his “fortune favors the bold” crypto schtick, the house always wins. But the beauty of America is you can always choose your House. I’m betting where the beer’s coldest, and nobody asks for a vax card. They can take all my money, I don’t care, I’ll get a blowjob & a shot out the deal anyway.

IF this sounds too cynical for you you’ve already lost the plot. Whatever it is that’ll wake you brickwacking tailspinners, God knows what. I can only say for myself that walking out the crowded hall filled with shit spinsters, peddlers of cheap liberal tricks, feels like breathing air again. The way out is rejection. I’m not asking to turn heads, I’m asking for head stomps. 

The greatest crime against Humanity is telling us all this is completely normal. Every day is like the last day of the end of an era. With this administration we’re seeing unparalleled conformity; to justify President Biden’s win everyone must be on board at all times. But the boat’s sinking and nobody can see the water. Where’s the outrage on the left? Even libs can’t like paying this much for gas. No more fair play from now on. Normalcy in America has long since shattered, and I’m ready to get dirty & swim in the swampy waters of what’s yet to come. 

Kyle Kirshbom